I'm Torn Up Inside

I feel like I don't know who I am. I can't identify myself anymore. I feel like I'm putting on a show for people and the real me is just sitting there, not being used. I hate this feeling. Hate it. If anyone's read The Second Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares, I feel like Bee in the beginning. I would dye my hair, gain weight, and quit everything if I thought that would help. The trouble is, I know it wouldn't. I feel like I'm more of a real person on CB than I am in real life, and I know that's bad. I feel torn and confused. 

At my old school, I was the "smart kid." I was one of the "egg heads" and people would come to me for help when they needed it. They knew I wouldn't just give them the answer, but that I'd make them work for it. They still come to me for help, even though I'm not in their classes. That used to define who I was, but now I go to a school with smarter people than me and I'm no longer defined by that. 

I need to find myself. I need to. 

*Shock* Two Posts in One Day?

Yes, I'm posting twice in the same day. I just want to rant for a little while about how much guys stink. I've got two that like me, but I don't like them back, one that might like me and I like him and then about three who just hate my guts and wish I would die (yes, they've told me this). Honestly, one of the guys who likes me can have two other girls in band but no, he likes me. *cries* The other one who likes me can't get any girl because he's too weird (there's really no other way of describing him). And then the three who wish I were dead can't get any girls either because they're jerks and are sexist against girls. Why is this so hard? WHY?

Oh my it's been a while...

Sorry for the lack of updates, but school has been busy. Too much has happened to go over, but I only have one more day of finals! Tomorrow at 11:15, I'll officially be done with school! At 11:16 I'll officially be a sophomore! Happy day! Got to go eat lunch, but I'll try to update tomorrow! Loves, Leeny

How am I Stupid? Let me count the ways...

So. I was in biology today and our teacher assigned us 6 essay questions to answer by tomorrow. I, stupidly, did not write that in my planner telling myself that I'd remember them. I have lunch and two more class periods. I then proceeded to go down to the band room to get my flute, which my teacher had fixed for me. I went to my locker and packed up, using my planner to get the books that I needed. I got in the car and about 10 minutes later I realized that I didn't grab my biology stuff. I didn't tell my carpool because they had an appointment to get to. So now I have to do it in our 15 minute lunch period. Fun...

I'm Making a Resolution to Post More on This Blog

Yes, I am. And I think I'm going to fail. But I don't care. This is more of a way for me to let my feelings out. Kind of like an online journal. 

I hope you all are well and having better weather than I am. It's snowing out and around 32F. This time of year it's usually in the 60s at least. My hamster died on Wednesday and we've been wanting to bury her, but it's simply been too cold and wet outside. 

I'm on Spring Break now. Only it doesn't seem much like Spring. It's a little disheartening to look out the window and see snow on the ground. I suppose it's better than the 5 feet of snow we got in December. I just wish it would be sunny for a few days. It's been gray and cloudy a lot and I want the sun! 

Happy Birthday to You (and you and you and you and you)

Today is our official March birthday celebration day. My grandma's and my second-cousin's birthday was on March 4th and my mom's, my dad's, and my aunt's were on March 6th. We went out to breakfast today and we just opened presents. It's kind of fun to have everyone's birthdays on the same days (or close to the same day).

How I Hate Technology, Let Me Count the Ways...

My email is not working. I would be fine with that, since I don't email people that much, except for the fact that I have to email all of my teachers for the homework that I missed when I was absent. This presents a major problem. 

I have a MacBook. That means that Mail is one of my applications. So I'm used to just clicking on Mail and having all my email pop up right before my very eyes. Since my Mail application is now not working, I have to go the long route and actually go on the internet, log in, and click "get mail." I know I sound lazy, but really, does it have to be so complicated? It's not like anyone would actually want to hack my email account. There isn't anything in it except for forwards from my friends and emails from my band teacher about going to State in two weeks. Plus the newsletters from Eddie Bauer and Bath and Body Works that I'm signed up to receive. Hopefully it will be fixed soon...