I'm Torn Up Inside

I feel like I don't know who I am. I can't identify myself anymore. I feel like I'm putting on a show for people and the real me is just sitting there, not being used. I hate this feeling. Hate it. If anyone's read The Second Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares, I feel like Bee in the beginning. I would dye my hair, gain weight, and quit everything if I thought that would help. The trouble is, I know it wouldn't. I feel like I'm more of a real person on CB than I am in real life, and I know that's bad. I feel torn and confused. 

At my old school, I was the "smart kid." I was one of the "egg heads" and people would come to me for help when they needed it. They knew I wouldn't just give them the answer, but that I'd make them work for it. They still come to me for help, even though I'm not in their classes. That used to define who I was, but now I go to a school with smarter people than me and I'm no longer defined by that. 

I need to find myself. I need to.